To all those wunch of bankers
Published March 6th, 2006 in Funny ha-haDear Bank Manager,
I know it’s been a long time since you have heard from me and you must be on the verge of utter despair, wondering why I haven’t been responding to all those lovely letters you’ve been sending me over the past few months. Perhaps you thought I’d gone to live on a houseboat, joined a commune of ageing hippies, skipped the country altogether or, God forbid, transferred by overdraft to another bank.
In fact, I have been extremely busy, keeping body and soul together, feeding the dog and occasionally working and paying the mortgage (with a little help from your good self, of course).
You’ll be glad to know that all your correspondence is neatly tied with a red ribbon and marked ‘urgent’ and I plan to get around to it straight after Easter. You certainly have a way with words. I particularly liked the first one where it, ever so gently, suggested: “perhaps it may have escaped your notice”. It hadn’t, but it showed you cared.
I was also quite taken with the next letter where you cut to the chase straight away with: “We would like to draw your attention…” and it didn’t really bother me to be reminded that “despite previous correspondence” I had carried on regardless. But I must draw the line at being told: “unless we hear from you etc. we will have no option etc.” That was bad tempered of you and somewhat tasteless, but I’m a forgiving kind of guy and I reckon you must have been having a bad hair day.
I won’t live forever, but it looks like my overdraft will, which is why I hope you will consider my application to join the Bad Debt League. It’s the hottest ticket in town. You’re no-one nowadays if you haven’t been bad-debted by some bank or other and I know that any bank manager worth the name has to have his or her quota of bad debts.
P.S. If that’s asking too much, perhaps you could see your way to throwing me a few Euros on account. I’m not going to invest in shares or anything reckless like that, but there’s a banker running in Cheltenham and, according to my Chinese horoscope, my luck is about to change.
You can send the cheque to my new pad on the Cayman Islands.
47 Responses to “To all those wunch of bankers”
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